


mute petals

by renmoojunskz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Cute Date, Depression, Family Death, Flowers, Heart Break, M/M, MCD BECAUSE THEY BOTH DIE IN THE END BUT FROM OLD AGE I PROMISE, Major character death - Freeform, Marriage, Mental Hospital, Pining, Suicide Attempts, adopting a kid, best friends to hating each other, breakdowns, changbin and chan i mean, changbin falls in love first, changbin gets mad at himself lol, changbins sad, chans a dick, cute stuff, death from broken heart, death from sickness, descriptions of the "in between", flower shop owner jisung, happy relationship, hyunjin doesnt know hes gay, jisung draws (only mentioned a few times), jisung helps him, mature for drinking and language, mute changbin, only mentioned - Freeform, red and yellow roses, soul holders, soulmate (sorta), theres a lot of fluff mixed with the angst, they dont get together till the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:41:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22126561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renmoojunskz/pseuds/renmoojunskz
Summary: changbin always comes in on Saturdays to buy the same bouquet from jisung. hes mute in the beginning and then he goes missing. when jisung goes looking, their lives fall into place. just like their souls want them to.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 51





	mute petals

its exactly 12:03pm when the door chimes again at jisungs flower shop.

"hello, changbin." 

the boy puts his card on the counter.

he looks even more tired today. more than usual.

jisung slides the card, letting changbin put his usual 5 dollar tip and then hands him the bouquet of yellow and red roses.

"see you next saturday." he smiles.

changbin sighs softly, heading out, letting the flowers sway softly by his side.

that, was jisungs favorite customer.

he has never heard changbin speak a word but he knows that he is a sweet boy.

jisung had never seen changbin before and the only reason he knew his name was the few order sheets he had made before jisung figured he would be ordering the same every week.

seo changbin, 22 years old, August 11, 1999, lives here in Seoul. the first one even had his address.

jisung continues with his day with his mind slipping away from the thought of the quiet boy.

★☆★

"hyunjin!" 

"jisung!" 

"it's been so long. i missed you!" jisung stretches out across hyunjins lap.

hyunjin laughs over the music. "it's been 3 days."

jisung won't ever say that he's hopelessly in love with hyunjin. but he is. 

he has been for…

3 years?

that sounds right.

he's too drunk to remember anyway.

jisung giggles as he sits up. 

"i think you're done for the night," minho takes the cup away from jisung. 

this was normal. every Saturday, minho threw a party. and every saturday jisung went and got drunk out of his mind.

maybe he shouldn't.

maybe he should stay sober around hyunjin so nothing slips.

thats why he doesn't complain when seungmin drags him to his apartment about 30 minutes after minho cuts him off.

"key?" seungmin asks, after driving him home and practically dragging him up 3 stories of stairs.

jisung stumbles through his pocket and finds his keys for seungmin to unlock his door.

his head was already starting to hurt.

after seungmin leaves, jisung stumbles around his room, looking for his sketchbook. 

this is his favorite time to draw. 

when his mind his swirling and his eyesight blurry. it's his favorite.

hes done some of his best drawings and paintings when he is drunk. but he doesn't always draw. a lot of the time he just sleeps.

this time his hand sketches a bouquet of red and yellow roses.

he passes out the second he drops his pencil.

★☆★

its saturday again. 

changbin is a few minutes late.

and today, he isn't in the mood to "talk". 

he drops some cash, takes the flowers and leaves.

"... see you next week…?"

jisung shrugs and continues with his day. it's not like he cares enough.

as long as he pays. 

but jisung really isn't in the mood to party tonight. 

not once he sees hyunjins tweet.

can't wait for the party! need to see this girl again <3

and a photo of him and a girl from what looks like last week's party.

he sighs. 

instead of answering any of his texts he opens his sketchbook and turns every light off expect his lamp and he gets to work fixing the drawing he did last night.

he ends up redoing it.

but he only gets through the outline and then he gets bored again.

so he heads back to his shop.

petal falls.

he doesn't remember how he came up with the name but that's what it is.

he takes all of the wilting flowers out of the window displays and cleans the vases.

as jisung puts the empty vases back on the tables he spots someone outside.

the sun was setting but he recognized the face.

he offers a small smile and wave. changbin stares.

jisung turns aways to start filling the vases. 

he chooses red and purple as the theme colors this time and spends the next 4 hours places them carefully.

changbin sits outside the window on the ground, the side of his head leaning into the window and his eyes closed.

after jisung finishes he cleans up and leaves, passing changbin on the sidewalk as he starts his walk home.

✿

changbin drops his wallet and keys on the table as he steps into the dark apartment and trails to his room.

its nearly 2 am but he knows chans awake and he doesn't need to worry about being quiet. 

so instead he turns on his music and sets to cleaning his room.

he does this once a week. then 2 days later he ruins it with another break down.

but it's routine by now.

after his room is clean changbins still not tired so he knocks on chans door and ends up sitting on his bed as he works on a song.

he stays there until the sun rises.

✿

hyunjin has a girlfriend.

hyunjin, the boy jisung has liked for over 3 years, has a girlfriend.

but jisung could have swore he was gay. 

then again, he had never seen hyunjin date anyone.

jisung forgot that it was saturday. 

so when changbin comes in he didn't have the flowers ready.

"sorry." he scrambles to make the familiar bouquet that he has made every saturday for 3 months.

changbin just sets his cash down and waits. 

jisung ties the purple ribbon around the ends and hands it to him. "sorry." he says again.

changbin shrugs and leaves. 

jisung groans, dropping his head to the counter with a dull thud.

"this is stupid," he decides. "im going to the party."

★☆★

he regrets going to the party.

he hasn't had a single drink yet he feels ready to throw up as he watches hyunjin and his girlfriend get friendly on the couch opposite him.

jisung eventually stands to get a drink and finds a rather cute boy instead. 

he smiles to himself. this is just what he needs. 

"hey," he greets.

the boy looks up from his phone and grins wide. "hello,"

"what's your name?"

"chan. yours?"

"jisung."

"are you drunk, jisung?"

"haven't had a drop. you?" 

"same here." he licks his lips like he's ready to devour jisung. 

this is exactly what jisung needs.

★☆★

when jisung wakes up he has to pee immediately.

so he stands and quickly finds his pants before scurrying down the hall of minho's place to the bathroom.

when he returns, chan is awake and stretching.

"woah, clothes." jisung squeaks, turning away.

chan chuckles. "hey, give me your number yeah?"

jisung nods, taking his phone and saving his number as chan gets dressed.

chan takes his phone and grins wide. "i'll text you."

and then he's gone. 

well, jisung thinks, i guess that helped a little.

★☆★

2 weeks later, after hooking up with chan 4 more times after work and at jisungs place, they meet again at minho's party.

"you weren't here last week. i didn't think you would be this week." jisung smiles, letting chan wrap an arm around him. 

"missed your face." he winks.

everyone asks if they're dating. they aren't.

its more.. hooking up. 

but jisung doesn't mind chans hands on his waist. or his mouth on his neck as jisung sits on his lap and talks to friends.

he doesn't really mind that much.

✿

changbin stares at his room. 

the broken desk chair. the paper all over the place. his desk turned on the side and everything that was on it, now on the floor.

his blankets thrown across the room.

he never remember his breakdowns. 

and he always wakes up with lots of bruises and scrapes the next day that he didn't see when it happened.

but changbin just shrugs it off and cleans a few days after.

the only thing he never touched in his break downs is the framed photo on his night stand.

his parents and his little brother and him. happy.

it's all he had left.

and this time, he had shattered the glass.

with a broken sob, he holds the shattered frame and crumpled photo. 

all he had left.

✿

the first week that changbin doesn't show up, jisung doesn't think much of it.

maybe he broke up with his girlfriend or whatever. 

maybe he didn't need flowers anymore. his grandma isn't sick anymore.

whatever. doesn't matter.

after 2 weeks, he wonders a little what happened.

the third week, changbin does show up.

hes pale and looks sick. bags under his eyes and sniffling.

"changbin? are you okay?" 

changbins face contorts and he takes the flowers with shaky hands and then bolts.

at least he came back this time.

but he doesn't come back again. 

again, the first 2 times, jisung doesn't think much of it. 

he continues his parties and hanging out with chan and doesn't even bother to think about it.

after a month and a half, he's worried.

where did he go? 

★☆★

"hello jisung!" 

jisung smiles as mrs. lee enters. "how are you?" 

"im doing swell, honey."

"hey i do have a question for you. do you remember seeing the boy that is in here on Saturdays?? seo changbin. he doesn't speak."

"yes, sweetheart. what about him? he helped me carry groceries to my car."

"have you seen him recently?" 

"no, have you?"

"no…thank you."

and it becomes a routine. after 2 months of not seeing him, jisung starts asking every customer. 

and eventually, someone says yes.

dr. handuel. 

"yes actually, 2 days ago he was admitted into the hospital. poor boy tried to jump off the roof of his apartment building. he survived."

jisung perks up. "is he still in the hospital?"

"he was transferred to the mental ward. but he is allowed visitors."

mental ward.

✿★☆★✿

changbin is cold.

the wind is very cold.

he stares at the moon high above him and the lights way down below him.

he was ready this time.

he had wanted to so long ago and never got to it.

but now, changbin is ready to die.

he stands on the ledge and sighs. 

"soon, mom and dad. ill be there soon." 

and then he's falling.

then its black.

"tsk, tsk."

changbin sits up. 

he's on the road. but its empty and everything looks.. grey and dead.

and he sees a figure standing across the street.

"now isn't your time, seo changbin."

"i want to die."

"maybe you do, but you haven't even fallen in love yet." 

the voice is familiar. and as changbin approaches the figure in black, his jaw falls open.

"you're jisung. the flower shop… what? im confused where am i?"

"you're in the in between, changbin. im here to collect your soul so you can be free."

"then take it."

"you aren't ready to die yet, changbin."

"yes i am. i want to die."

"let's take a look at why you should stay alive."

and before he can utter a word, its black again. 

then he is seeing memories in front of him. like a large movie screen and nothing else.

first, he sees his brother's birth. the day he met his little brother. 

he was 4. and he nearly dropped the baby. 

but his little brother, daniel, gripped his finger and changbin never wanted to let go.

that memory is bright white. 

the next is also white.

it's the day he met chan. 

7th grade on the playground. 

changbin had accidently hit him with the soccer ball. and they were inseparable since.

the next memory was dark blue. nearly black.

the day he came out to his parents. the first time his dad ever hit him.

that was the day his world took a change.

the next memory was grey. after 3 years of suffering with his newly alcoholic dad and sad mother, he graduated and moved in with chan, who was a year older and already had an apartment. 

he didnt want to leave his mom and daniel. but he did. 

the next is white. bright white, almost too bright.

and it's the day he recorded his first song.

then it turns to red.

and it's the fire. the news that his family was dead.

that his drunk dad left the gas stove on and the house burned to the ground.

this memory was pulsating.

and the next, was so white that changbin couldnt see it. 

but he could hear it.

"hello, seo changbin? here for the red and yellow rose bouquet."

silence.

"alright.. 24 dollars. there's a few screens for you. tips and if you accept."

silence, tapping.

beep.

"thank you, come again."

the day that he met jisung.

it fades out and he's back on the cold street with this jisung.

"that just showed me why i want to die."

"didn't you see?" this jisung scoffs. "the colors show how you feel. you don't see? han jisung is the reason you can't die."

"why?"

"because he's your soul."

"my soul?"

"look at me dummy. im your soul. I decide when you die. and im jisung. he is the reason you can't die because he is the reason you are alive."

"that doesn't make sense."

"doesn't it though?"

"no."

"wake up, changbin. wake up."

✿★☆★✿

"changbin?"

changbin squints. the lights are familiar.

"oh. you are awake. nurse??"

changbin turns his head to catch jisung in the chair next to him, turned to call into the hallway.

changbin slowly reaches his hand to take the younger boys.

jisung snaps back around. but he doesn't take his hand away.

"why are you here?" his voice sounded forgein. he hadn't spoken in so long.

"you can talk?" jisung gapes. "sorry. uh..i asked around because i was worried. i brought your bouquet.."

jisung squeezes his hand.

"thank you. thank you." changbin whispers.

jisung smiles softly at him. "im not going anywhere."

★☆★

jisung doesn't ask why no one else has come to visit changbin.

he figures there was a reason.

but it had been 2 weeks since he ran into the hospital begging them to tell him where seo changbin was.

and he visits every single day.

he ended it with chan.

well chan said he wasn't really into jisung that way so they ended it mutually.

which is good, now jisung can spend his energy with changbin.

who, now that he talked, jisung has gotten a lot closer to.

"hey," jisung looks up. "what are you doing?" 

"im drawing."

"what are you drawing?"

"your flowers." jisung hums. "i color in one rose every few days. ive been forgetting."

“are you going to leave me here?”

“no, changbin im not leaving. don't you have anyone else?”

changbin looks at his hands on his lap. he hadnt told anyone but chan that his family was gone. and it hurt him to say that he had no one else. but it was the truth. so he pushes past the question, “no, but why would you stay when you don't even know me??”

“because i feel like i know you, even if i don't. but if you don't want me to stay, i can leave.” jisung goes to stand but is pulled back down by changbin, almost falling on top of him.

“don't leave me here, please.” he whispers, eyes getting watery. he didn't have anyone else. not even chan had come. and he really couldn't be alone. not anymore. so he clings to jisungs arm tightly, begging him with his eyes. begging him to stay.

jisung settles in his chair. “are you sure its not weird having a complete stranger sitting here everyday?”

“you're not a stranger anymore, jisung.”

“if im honest, i thought you were mute.” 

changbin blinks at him. “i thought i was too.”

they stare at each other for a while. then a nurse interupts their gaze to check changbins vitals. 

jisung sets his sketchbook aside, “so, tell me changbin, why did you jump?”

“because i wanted to die.”

“but why did you want to die?”

“because i have nothing left to live for anymore.”

“well, you have me now, if that's okay.”

“please.”

jisung gives a soft smile. “then im not going anywhere, i promise.”

changbins eyes shine brightly, brighter than jisung has ever seen them shine in these past weeks. even the months of seeing him in the store every saturday.

and it made jisung smile pretty big.

★☆★

“you have somewhere to live right? and who is your new emergency contact? your old one has a death certificate in our system. both of them do.” the nurse asks.

jisung watches changbins face turning pale and he chokes on his words so he steps in.

“me, im his place to stay and his new emergency contact. han jisung.” 

changbin looks at him with glassy eyes and jisung simply smiles, wrapping his hand around changbins bicep as he answers the questions.

“but im not staying with you,” changbin whispers, once they have reached jisungs car. “i live with my friend.”

“i know but i could tell the questions made you uncomfortable and nauseous so i jumped in for you.”

it had been another 3 weeks and changbin was finally being let out of the mental ward after a lot of testing and monitoring of his mental state.

“okay so tell me where i am going.” jisung smiles at changbin brightly as he starts his car.

“um… left.”

with each direction, jisung is closer and closer to chans apartment building. and even though they agreed to end it mutually, he still kind of liked him and didn't like that there was a possible chance of seeing him.

“this building.”

of course. jisung pressed back a groan and pulls up right next to chans car.

“will you come in with me?”

jisung sighs, “yeah if you want me to,”

jisung follows changbin and each step is closer to chan's apartment.

“you live with bang chan?” jisung asks as changbin pulls out a key and starts unlocking the door.

“he's my only friend. or was. before you of course.”

jisung gulps. this is going to be awkward. but he follows changbin in anyway.

“changbin if that's you, i already packed all your shit. take it and go, leave your key.”

jisung glances at changbin who looks equally as shocked at the news.

“w-what?”

“im kind of annoyed with this whole push and pull thing,” chans voice is coming from down the hall. “and i'm pretty done with dealing with you. yeah we used to be best friends but you aren't the same anymore. you aren't the changbin i know. so take your stuff and go.”

“but where… i don't have anywhere to go…”

he hears footsteps and then chan is standing in the living room in his sweatpants.

jisung gulps, trying to fall behind changbin to hide.

but chan already sees him.

“jisung?”

jisung presses his forehead into changbins shoulder before standing up. “hi hyung.”

“chan, where am i supposed to go?” changbin had tears on his cheeks.

“you can live with me. i don't have an extra bed but i think the couch pulls out.” jisung smiles softly, wrapping his hand around changbins bicep again.

changbin sniffs. “i don't want to be in the way.”

“you won't be.”

“thank you..”

“glad that worked out, see you around.” chan eyes up jisung and nods at changbin before he disappears.

changbin sniffs again and his hands start shaking as he starts grabbing the boxes and placing them back down.

“hyung,” jisung calls out gently. “changbin hyung,” he says louder.

changbin stands still and a sob escaped his mouth. jisung reaches out to smooth his shirt and grip his shoulders. 

“hyung, you're okay. you can stay with me. don't worry.” 

“i don't have a job jisung i dont make money. i can't pay you.”

“that doesn't matter. i don't care. i can't let you live on the streets.”

changbin sniffles and looks at him with big watery eyes.

jisung smiles brightly, wiping the tears that still fell. “i promise.”

★☆★

it had only been a few days but changbin has already gone back to not speaking.

and knowing what changbin had just done not to long ago, it was worrying jisung.

“hyung? how are you feeling?”

shrug.

“have you been taking your medicine?” 

shrug.

“you need to make sure you're taking it.”

shrug.

“changbin?”

“can i sleep with you tonight?”

jisung stares. “do you want to? i cuddle a lot.”

“yes. please.”

“okay. that's fine.” 

“thank you.”

it was only 8:30.

and jisung was filing through orders for the shop. so, he really wasn't tired yet. but changbin seemed to be itching to get to bed.

“are you tired?”

changbin looks up. “i haven't slept in days,”

“why not?” jisung frowns.

“cant sleep.”

“then let's go now.”

changbin stands. “thank you.”

changbin changes in the bathroom while jisung changes in his room and fixes the bed.

“okay. so i don't sleep with pants-” jisung starts but he stops when he spots changbin. shirtless.

“that's okay i don't wear a shirt usually. if that's okay?”

“yeah no ummm… thats just fine. don't worry. like i said, im big on cuddling.”

“that's fine. i want to hold you.”

jisung blushes and smiles softly. “okay. you can turn the light out.” 

the light flicks off and then they're climbing into bed.

“how do you want-” jisung pauses.

changbin pulls jisung to his chest tightly and jisung settles there happily.

he hadn't cuddled someone in a long time. and it felt good. that goes for both of them.

its quiet.

until changbin sniffles.

“are you crying?’

“no,” but his voice cracks.

“its okay to cry hyung.” 

“im sorry, im such a baby.”

“im sure there is a good reason that you're so upset.”

“my family is dead.”

jisung goes quiet. 

“sorry, good night.”

“if you ever want to talk about it, im all ears, changbin.”

“later. good night.”

less than five minutes later, changbin is lightly snoring under him.

jisung smiles. that's good. he deserves to sleep.

★☆★

changbin never really did talk to jisung about it.

but it was going fine, jisung made sure that he took his medicine and let him sleep in the same bed every night and changbin seemed to be getting.. better… or better than what he was at least.

jisung even let him help around the flower shop during the day, when he felt like it.

today, the door chimes right before closing and jisung looks up to see hyunjin, in tears.

“hyunjin?” he hadn't seen hyunjin in months now, he was so busy with his girlfriend.

“jisung.. she cheated on me… i didn't know where to go or who to..” hyunjin chokes on a sob.

“oh honey…” changbin watches from behind the counter and jisung rushes to engulf the taller boy in a hug.

that night is spent with a crying hyunjin on the couch, eating all of jisungs ice cream and replaying the same songs over and over again.

changbin was holed up in jisungs room that night, bundled up in jisungs comforter and staring at the walls.

he didn't sleep.

and finally, jisung came in around 6am to change for work.

“changbin? did you sleep at all??”

changbin shakes his head, chewing on the comforter.

“im sorry, you can stay here today then. i don't really need much help at the shop.”

changbin nods.

jisung stops by a coffee place on the way and gets a large hot coffee with extra espresso to get him through the day.

around 1 hyunjin shows up and ends up sitting behind the counter for the day.

jisung is happy to have his friend back but…

he's scared that changbin will be worse again, not having jisung around to help him. to make sure he takes his medicine and eats enough.

plus, jisung stills has feelings for hyunjin.

he sighs to himself as he sweeps.

“can i stay at yours again tonight?”

jisung nods, “as long as you need okay?”

“thank you…” hunjin smiles. “im sorry for letting our friendship die so easily.. it was stupid and im really sorry jisung.”

“its okay. time does nothing for true friends.”

they leave and pick up dinner.

changbin is still in jisungs bed when they get there. 

“i brought you food,” jisung says softly, leaving the light off.

“thanks, im not hungry.”

“hyung you need to eat something.” jisung sits next to him and drops the bag at the foot of the bed. “it's time for your medicine now,”

jisung gets the bottles out and returns with water in hand.

changbin takes them and swallows slowly.

“hyunjins here again, but i promise we won't be up all night.”

changbin just nods slowly.

jisung lets hyunjin rant until past midnight and then he leaves hyunjin to sleep.

changbin is under the covers in the dark, the bag of untouched food to the side.

jisung crawls in and nudges his way under changbins arm. "you okay?"

"no."

"im here now," 

changbin presses his face into jisungs hair and curls his body around him. "thank you." 

★☆★

"hyunjin is moving in for a bit hyung, he was living with his girlfriend and he has nowhere to go. okay?" 

changbin stops eating his cereal. "i guess."

"he's going to take the couch. and he works a lot so he will only really be home at night."

"okay."

"is that okay?"

changbin swallows. "okay."

jisung gently kisses his hair as he passes, "okay. im going to work, you can come by and help if you feel like it."

changbin nods, taking another spoonful of cheerios. 

changbin doesn't come by. 

but he is…doing something when jisung gets home. 

hes writing.

"what are you writing hyung?"

"lyrics. trying to."

"really?" jisung leans over his shoulder and rests his hands on changbins shoulders.

"yeah. i used to do it a lot. before.." he trails off and closes the notebook.

jisung steps back. "well i brought dinner."

changbin stretches. 

as changbin eats his rice, jisung gets out his medicine and shakes out what he needs.

changbin swallows them and finishes his dinner for the first time in months.

jisung smiles. "feeling better?"

changbin nods, putting his bowl away and kissing the top of jisungs head as he passes to retreat back to their room.

they do that a lot. for changbin, jisung kissing his hair grounds him. and he just does it in return.

hyunjin gets home a few minutes later and drops his bag on the chair and plops down to eat.

"i think i got what you like. it's been a while."

hyunjin shrugs, practically inhaling the noodles.

"thanks."

hyunjin kisses his head as he goes to the bathroom to shower.

and for some reason, jisung didn't want him to ever do it again. 

but he didn't mind when changbin did it.

★☆★

"hyung?" jisung whispers from the bed. "can we talk?"

"about what?"

"i just.. need someone to talk to."

changbin closes his notebook and turns in the chair. "whats up?"

"i used to be in love with hyunjin."

"used to be?"

"then he got a girlfriend. and i.. i think i got over it but now that he's back around, i just feel weird. he kissed me on the head yesterday, like you always do, and i used to get all fluttery and this time i just…didn't like it. but i know i still like him."

"i don't know, im not good at feelings. but maybe you should talk to him."

"i don't know… i need to figure it out first. plus, i think he's straight." jisung turns as changbin gets under the covers and shuffles into his chest.

"i don't think so,"

jisung simply sighs.

✿

changbin doesn't like hyunjin. there's something weird about him and he doesn't like it.

plus, he hogs jisung from him.

and it's not like changbin has anyone else to go to. so when he doesn't have jisung, he gets sad.

like right now.

he stands in the shower, staring at his razor replacement blades.

he used to do this in high school. and he hasn't since.

but he hadn't taken his medicine. and he wanted some kind of relief.

he watches the water run pink down his arm.

"hyung? you good?"

changbin had been in there too long.

tears stream his face, mixing with the now cold water.

"changbin?"

"no,"

"no? changbin can i come in?"

"im naked."

"i don't care, you said you're not okay."

"okay."

the door opens. 

changbin starts shaking as he stares at the long red lines on his arm and the red mixing with the water.

"im opening the curtain."

"okay," changbins voice cracked.

"oh my god." 

jisung had pulled him out the shower and was wrapping a towel around him so fast that changbin couldn't keep up.

"hyung why would you- what were you-"

jisung shakes his head, wrapping a warm washcloth around changbins wrist.

changbin trembles, water dripping everywhere and hair in his eyes.

"sit, come on. sit down." 

changbin practically falls onto the toilet as jisung wipes his arm.

he wraps it up and then bends down to be eye level. "changbin-ah,"

changbin sniffs.

a warm hand cradles his face and he leans into it as jisung pushes his wet hair away from his forehead.

changbin sobs softly.

"hey, you can't be doing that. why did you hurt yourself?"

"makes me feel better."

"have you taken your medicine?"

changbin shakes his head.

"why not?"

"when you aren't here i don't feel any want to take them."

jisungs eyes water up, "oh hyung…" 

he leans forward and presses his forehead to changbins.

they stay like that for a second. 

"let's get you dried off and dressed."

changbin should have been embarrassed that jisung was drying him off and dressing him like he was a child. but he was too upset with himself to be embarrassed.

jisung ruffles his hair with a towel and then pushes a little to get changbin to go to the bedroom.

hyunjin was on the couch.

"what happened?"

"changbin had a little accident."

hyunjin laughs, "oh boy. he's a little old for that don't you think?"

anger flashes in jisungs eyes.

changbin lets out a choked sob.

after jisung helped him under the covers, he smooths his hair. "ill be right back."

changbin can hear him getting angry with hyunjin.

"you can't say that shit! you don't know what he's going through and it's not funny!!"

changbin sniffs, trying to block it out.

everything hurts.

✿

hyunjin moves out a few days later.

changbin knows its his fault but jisung assures him it's not.

he still feels bad.

he never liked hyunjin anyway.

★☆★

jisung sets the new displays up carefully as changbin cashes out a customer up front.

"have a nice day, come again." he smiles softly at the boy.

jisung locks the doors as he leaves and changes the sign to closed. 

as he turns to get his stuff, he spots someone running up.

he squints.

after flipping the lock he opens the door and calls, "hyunjin?"

"go on a date with me."

jisung blinks. "what?"

"i like you, go on a date with me." 

"oh. alright."

"sweet I'll text you!"

jisung locks the door again and turns.

changbin is staring at him.

jisung smiles.

changbin doesn't say anything.

but that doesn't mean he isn't feeling anything.

✿

"you stupid useless idiot. youre just in the way why did you ever let yourself get so fucking attached? stupid stupid stupid!!" 

"changbin?"

"DON'T COME IN HERE!" changbin screams, dragging the blade hard this time.

higher, higher, higher, and even higher.

soon he knows he's going to stain jisungs rug at the rate its dripping.

"i hope i die this time."

its gushing now. and changbin isn't scared. 

he isn't scared when his vision gets fuzzy. 

and he isn't scared when he passes out. 

when he wakes up, the room is cold. grey and bleak.

like the street from before.

"are you kidding me?" he groans.

"hello, changbin."

jisung, or whatever it is, steps out from a shadow.

"why did you do that? its not good for me to keep rejecting your soul."

"take it! take it this time!"

"i can't do that."

"why?!"

"because you have so much left in your life. and you haven't even kissed him yet."

"who? kissed who?"

"me, of course. changbin you can't keep doing this to yourself. you aren't a burden. and it's definitely not healthy. so do both of us a favor and don't do this again. we shouldn't meet again until you're 86."

"86? i don't want to live that long."

"well i decide that, not you."

changbin groans.

"would you like to see why you should live again?"

"no just send me back. i don't want to see it."

jisung shrugs, "as you wish,"

✿

"changbin!" jisung yelps.

changbin winces.

"oh thank god you're awake. i thought that you-" jisung chokes.

"how long was i-"

"only 5 minutes. god you fucking scared me."

jisungs hands were covered in changbins blood. so were his clothes. changbin glances around and sees his arm wrapped up again. 

"but i thought i.."

"fuck changbin," jisung sobs.

"im sorry."

"you can't do that! if you had gone just an inch higher you would have hit your artery! fuck youre lucky i went to a year of medical school. fuck changbin. FUCK!" jisung yells.

"I'm sorry."

jisung sobs loudly and changbin reaches out to him.

"don't- don't touch me." jisung sniffs, standing up. 

changbin sits up. "jisung.."

"i can't believe you did that. do you know how bad thats going to scar? fuck, i cant believe-"

"im sorry."

"just.. stay there."

jisung disappears and returns with a wet towel and he starts wiping the blood off changbins face and neck.

"you have.."

"ill shower later. can you stand?"

changbin nods and gets to his feet shakily.

jisung helps him change and get into bed.

"ill buy you a new rug.." 

jisung shakes his head and starts cleaning.

"im sorry."

"you aren't allowed to touch anything sharp ever again i swear to god."

"im sorry."

"stop saying that."

jisung rolls up the rug and takes it out of the room.

changbin sniffs. 

he always ruined everything.

✿

"jisung, you never told me how your date with hyunjin was."

jisung fuses with the vines on the bouquet.

"jisung?"

"huh?" he looks up.

"your date. how was it."

"oh. it was good. yeah. we are going out tonight."

"that's good."

"how's your arm?"

changbin glances at the bandages. "itchy,"

"they're healing then," jisung mumbles, finally tying the bouquet together.

"yeah."

after finishing the orders and locking up, jisung gives changbin his keys. 

"what?"

"hyunjins picking me up from here. you drive home. ill be back later. ill text you to take your meds when you need to."

"i know when i need to."

"then take them."

changbin snorts but takes the keys and drives home.

he didn't expect jisung to be home as early as he was.

but he walked in just 30 minutes after changbin.

"that was fast."

changbin then heard the sniffling.

"are you crying? what happened?"

"leave me alone." jisung slams the door to the bedroom a second later.

changbin sighs. just as he was feeling better.

✿

"he told me he isnt gay. he was just trying to figure it out. he just used me."

"im sorry." changbin whispers.

after a week of jisung being locked away, he finally opened up.

and now he was crying into changbins chest on the couch.

"ive loved him for so long. this hurts. "

"you'll find someone better."

jisung sobs loudly and clutches him harder.

it was strange being the one comforting instead of the other way around.

★☆★

"hey, my friend minho is throwing a new years party tonight. wanna go?" jisung asks.

"its new years?"

"yeah."

"do you want to go?"

"i have to get out of this apartment at some point."

"isn't hyunjin gonna be there?"

"probably. but I'll have you."

changbins heart jumps a little.

"do you want to?"

"sure."

★☆★

jisung decided to dress up. 

show hyunjin what he's missing or whatever.

so he jumps into tight leather leggings and pulls on a loose white crop top and a dark blue plain jacket.

a choker, rings and a few bracelets and vans complete the outfit.

he straightens his hair and fluffs it up so its exposing a bit of his forehead and flopping over his eyes and then does some simple makeup.

changbin, on the other hand, just wears jeans and a white shirt.

he didn't expect jisung to dress up.

and he nearly chokes when he sees him.

"you-"

"yeah. i felt like it. lets go it's already 9."

changbin has to peel his eyes from jisung so he can drive since jisung didn't want to.

the party wasn't huge but there was plenty of people. 

many of them that neither of the two knew.

jisung spends the first hour and a half getting wasted and changbin just sticks to his side.

before jisung was too drunk, hyunjin had approached to say hello. 

and changbin caught him checking jisung out so he slides an arm around him and pulls him away.

the countdown had started and everyone was piled in the living room and connected dining room to watch the countdown on the television.

jisung was swaying and giggly.

but 3 minutes from midnight he starts pouting.

changbin leans in so jisung can hear, "what's wrong?"

"i don't have anyone to kiss!" jisung whines.

changbins heart skips a beat at the way jisung looks at him.

"oh."

"can i kiss you?"

changbin gulps. "if you want to,"

"yay!" jisung smiles brightly again and slings himself around changbin.

"3!"

jisung leans closer.

"2!"

changbin can feel his breath on his lips. his hands circle jisungs warm waist and pulls him so they're flush together.

"1!"

and they're kissing.

jisung tastes like vodka and diet coke.

but his lips are plush and soft and he presses closer.

changbin lets out a shaky breath when they pull away.

jisung presses his nose to changbins as everyone cheers.

"happy new year!"

changbin gulps, jisungs hand clutching his shirt.

"happy new year, jisung." he whispers.

jisung smiles.

★☆★

jisung doesn't remember the kiss.

or maybe he does and he's avoiding talking about it.

either way, changbin was confused.

he has no idea what to think.

he hadn't been in love before. but even if he was he didnt think it was supposed to hurt like this.

but he wasn't going to say anything.

jisung was getting better.

and changbin…. thinks he's getting better.

but he was very confused over all.

and he didn't know what to do.

so he texts the only person he has to talk to. and hopes that he answers.

✿

"so, what do you want to talk about? cause im kind of busy."

"you look really busy. eating that ramen." changbin scoffs.

"just get on with it."

"i think im in love with jisung."

"good for you."

"but ive never been in love."

"so?"

"and he's getting over this guy that rejected him."

"cool."

"and i don't know what to do."

"okay."

"are you at least going to try to help?? we have been best friends for years."

"yeah then you got sick and it got on my nerves. i don't have time to deal with a depressed dumbass."

"my family died, chan."

"so what?"

"you don't know how it feels like because you've never fucking had a family!"

and from there, they start screaming.

changbin and chan have never fought. 

and now everything that was built up all those years has finally comes out.

and changbin leaves crying.

he didn't expect jisung to be so mad to find out what happened.

"who made you cry? who?"

"it was just chan i went to talk to him about something and we ended up fighting and i don't like fighting and he said i was just a cry baby and i-"

"I'll kill him."

"jisung please-"

"im going to kill him."

and changbin doesn't stop him. 

he figured he hadn't lost chan after he was kicked out. maybe he was just upset from work. 

but now he knows he's never going to talk to chan again.

so he cries.

chan was the only person he had for years. 

the only person there when he had no one else. the only one who would ever help him.

✿

"what the hell is wrong with you?!"

jisung bursts in and chan looks up from his ramen.

"you think screaming at someone who is mentally unstable is fine?! someone who you were apparently best friends with for years?!"

"you don't know anything."

"i do know that you're an insensitive asshole!"

"get out."

"no! im sick of you treating him like this! he deserves better! an actual friend."

"yeah well he doesn't have any."

"im his fucking friend!!"

"yeah whatever."

and jisung slaps him.

hard enough that his bowl tips over from the force of his hand moving.

"what the fuck?!"

"fuck you. stay away from changbin. he doesn't need this."

and jisung leaves.

changbin does deserve better.

jisung might not know exactly what happened to changbin but he knows that whatever it is was traumatic enough to cause him to get this bad and he doesn't need more pain.

so he lets changbin hold him all night and cry.

because he needs it.

and tomorrow, he was going to ask why he went to chan in the first place.

★☆★

"i don't want to talk about it."

"well if you went to chan because you really needed someone to talk to, then you should tell me." jisung sighs. "i can help too."

"it's about you."

"then tell me. i should know."

"ive never been in love."

"alright..?"

"and i think im falling in love with you."

jisung blinks.

"so i think im going to leave. ive saved up a lot and… im going to get an apartment."

"wait-"

"thank you for helping me. ill still help out at the shop. and you're still my best friend. but i think it will help if i leave."

jisung closes his mouth.

"okay?"

"if that's what you want."

changbins heart was breaking. but he stands and starts putting his things in bags.

tomorrow, he would find an apartment.

but right now he needs to go for a walk.

to cry by himself.

★☆★

even though changbin wasn't there that long, only a few months, it was still pretty strange not having him in bed every night.

and he did come and help at the flower shop about 3 times a week.

but it was different.

those few words seemed to be a lot for changbin.

and jisung couldn't help to think that it's his fault.

he could have stopped him. told him that it didn't matter how changbin felt. he didn't need to leave.

but maybe changbin felt better this way.

jisung hopes he's still taking his medicine and eating.

★☆★

changbin was trying to.

but it got harder as the days went by.

he had finally realized that he was, in fact, in love with jisung.

maybe he had fallen during all the times he pulled changbin back to his feet.

or maybe it was the fact that jisung was just gorgeous. and the funniest and sweetest person changbin had ever met.

maybe the way his eyes sparkle when he's interested in something, or the way his nose scrunches when he giggles.

there could be so many factors to what made him fall.

but whatever it was, changbin hated it.

because there's no way jisung could ever love someone as broken as him.

changbin looks up and smiles as he watches jisung focus on his bouquet.

it was bigger than his head and he was rearranging and poking at it.

changbin smiles wider as jisung pokes his tongue out.

he shouldn't stare, but its hard when jisung is just so pretty.

he stares a lot now.

and he's honestly surprised he has never been caught.

sadly, the door chimes and he has to go back to working.

★☆★

jisung bought a new apartment.

he just hated his old one, it was old and dirty. he got it when he first moved out since it was all he could afford.

this one was still one bedroom but i was a lot cleaner and nicer. 

changbins on the other hand was rundown and practically falling apart.

but it was all he could afford.

and he hated the landlord. he was an old man, really mean and seemed to hate any younger person.

but it would have to do.

changbin rarely talked to jisung, which made the younger sad at times.

but, it's understandable.

he had never been in love and he was confused.

so maybe all he needed was time.

plus, jisung needed to think now too. he has feelings for changbin. but honestly, he's still so heartbroken over hyunjin that its hard to tell.

maybe it was good that they had time apart.

✿

tonight, changbin wasn't doing the best.

it was about a month since he moved out of jisungs place and today was supposed to be his dads birthday.

and he was struggling to keep it together.

so he calls jisung.

"hey, hyung. what's up?"

"are you busy?" changbin sighs.

"no, not at all. why?"

"can i come over?"

"yeah ill text you my new address."

changbin throws on a shirt and some sweats and is out the door five minutes after he gets the text.

jisungs new place was really nice.

but changbin didn't really have time to admire. he falls right into jisung and starts crying.

"oh sweetheart. what's wrong? what happened? i can beat someone up."

changbin chokes out a laugh. "no i.. can i talk to you?"

"of course you can. sit."

they sit on the couch and changbin just lets everything out.

"in highschool i came out to my family as gay. my mom was supportive and my dad was always amazing and loving so i thought he would be too. but he blew up on me and he became really emotionally abusive and started drinking. it made me, my mom, and my brother really depressed. senior year i started fighting with him a lot so when i graduated, i moved in with chan. i just couldn't stand living there anymore.

"a little over a year ago, i got a call around 3 in the morning. i wasn't asleep but i was starting to fall asleep. it was from my aunt. my dad got really drunk and screamed at my mom when she was making dinner so they fought and…she left the stove on. all night. it was a gas stove and it caught on fire. we never had smoke detectors i really don't remember why. so they didn't know.

"they died, jisung. they burned to death. and i didnt get to say goodbye. i didn't get to tell my mom that i love her or my brother that i was proud of him for how well he was doing in school. and i didnt get to tell my dad that i was sorry. before it happened, i was getting happier with myself. chan and i made music together and it was great. but after the funeral i guess i just… stopped wanting to do anything and i gave up. 

"i lost a lot of weight. i stopped talking to any of my friends and i stopped making music. my life just started crumbling around me."

"that's when you started getting the flowers?"

changbin nods, "chan was.. i don't know. he was always kind of put off-ish. you know? always seemed not to care but he was my best friend. he was there through everything. when i finally got meds for my depression, he thought it was pathetic and that i was pathetic now for needing drugs to help me live. and i guess he was right. or i thought so back then. that night that i jumped, i had fought a little with him. and i just couldn't handle it anymore. i missed my mom so much and i just wanted to be with her again."

jisung pulls changbin into a hug.

"i miss her so much, jisung. it hurts so bad."

"i know, i know. its okay. im glad you told me so i know how to help you better."

changbin cries for a long time. and it helped him feel better.

"today is my dad's birthday."

jisung smiles. "why don't we go get him some flowers, yeah?"

changbin nods and lets jisung wipe the tears off his face.

they head to the flower shop, raining falling softly and jisungs hand around changbins bicep, grounding him.

jisung makes the bouquet as he always does. red and yellow roses with a purple ribbon.

changbin smiles at him as he takes the flowers.

the cemetery was only a few blocks away and by the time they got there, the rain was steady.

the graves were set in a row. black marble headstones and pretty lettering.

jisung lets changbin set the flowers in the vase on his dad's grave, the other two had wilting bouquets practically identical.

he must change one each week that he gets the flowers.

"im sorry, dad. im sorry for disappointing you and always picking fights. i love you a lot and i hope you're safe and happy," changbin sniffs.

jisung places his hand back neatly on changbins bicep and rests his head on his shoulder.

they stand there for a while until the rain gets heavier.

then they're running back to jisungs apartment.

jisung pushes around in his drawers until he finds the pair of shorts that were changbins and lets him change while he goes to the bathroom.

"can i stay here?"

"i already figured that you were," jisung smiles. 

changbin slept like a baby that night. more than he had in a month.

jisung stayed up a while longer to look at him, smiling.

maybe he was in love with changbin. 

and that was perfectly fine.

✿

"well you're just a loud and messy teenager!"

"im 22!!!" 

"i don't need loud tenants!"

"i wasn't home all night it wasn't even me?! you just hate young people!!"

"if thats how you want to talk to me youre fucking kicked out!"

"are you kidding me?!"

changbin and his landlord have a stare off in the hall outside changbins apartment.

"fine fuck you! im leaving."

"get all your shit out by tonight."

"i will!" changbin slams the door.

fuck. he groans.

now what the fuck was he supposed to do?

he starts throwing shit back in the boxes they came from when his phone rings.

"hey, jisung." changbin sighs.

"hey whats up?"

"packing."

"why?"

"fought with my dumbass landlord. he kicked me out."

"oh."

"yeah. probably going to go beg chan to let me stay with him until i can save up again. or move to my aunts."

"no you can stay with me again."

"no its fine. i don't want to be in the way again."

"again? changbin, you were never in the way before. you didn't even need to leave."

"... are you sure?"

"of course. ill come help you pack. okay?"

"alright. thank you, jisung."

"no problem."

what would changbin do without han jisung?

★☆★

changbin had been thinking about new years again. 

and he really wanted to know if jisung remembered.

so about a week after he moved in with jisung, as they sit on the couch watching a movie, he asks.

"do you remember new years?"

"hell no, i was so drunk." jisung laughs.

"we kissed."

jisung looks at him. "huh?"

"at midnight. you said you were sad you had no one to kiss. so i said we could kiss and we did."

"oh."

"it was a mistake i just wanted you to know."

"oh. okay."

jisung sits back and stares at the tv blankly.

a mistake?

even though he didn't remember it, he doesnt think kissing changbin, at any time, would be a mistake.

but he doesn't say anything. 

because that would mean confessing his feelings.

and jisung isn't ready for that.

★☆★

after a while of getting comfortable again, they were finally back to normal.

going out and eating together, jisungs hand always on changbins bicep.

kissing each other on the head.

all of it.

and it felt good to have each other back.

but there was still tension. they like each other but changbin doesn't know that. so he's been trying to push his feelings away.

which leads to him breaking down in the middle of the night and waking up jisung on accident.

"changbin..?" jisung whispers, sitting up and reaching out to him.

"sorry i-" he sobs loudly. "im sorry."

"what's wrong??" jisung shuffles closer, hand on changbins arm.

"im sorry that i like you." changbin sniffs. "im trying to get over it, i am. it's just really hard because i really really like you. i think im in love with you and it's hard."

"oh hyung.." jisung hugs him tightly. 

changbin cries for a while longer, holding him, until he finally slows down.

"i like you too, okay?"

"what?" 

"i like you, changbin. we can figure this out."

changbin opens his mouth to say something when the loud sound of a phone ringing cuts him off.

jisung scrambles for his phone and glances at the name before answering.

"what is it hyunjin?"

"im sorry but can i please come over?"

"is it really important?" that's when jisung hears him crying.

"yes. please, jisung."

"okay. ill unlock the door."

hyunjin hangs up and jisung quickly kisses changbin on the cheek.

"what? what was that?"

"hyunjins on his way. he was crying. it'll only be a second i promise."

the pain in changbins eyes is obvious. but still, he says, "okay."

jisung doesn't bother putting pants on and heads out to turn on the living room light and unlock the door.

5 minutes later, hyunjin rushes in, still crying.

"what happened?" jisung asks, pulling him into a hug.

"im so sorry. jisung, im so pathetic. i told you i was straight because i was scared of dating a guy and i think i really really like you and im scared. please give me another chance. ill make it up to you."

jisung pulls away and looks at him.

"please.." hyunjin sniffs.

"hyunjin… im sorry but i… i don't like you anymore. i think i really love changbin and we were just talking about it. hyunjin im so sorry. i can help you figure it out and-"

"no its.. its okay." hyunjin shakes his head, pulling away. "i get it. i understand. i just thought i would try." tears continue to fall and jisung feels so bad.

"im sorry." jisung offers.

hyunjin just wipes his cheeks and shakes his head again. "im sorry for coming."

and then he's gone.

jisung groans. 

but he didnt notice changbin listening the entire time.

★☆★

jisung didn't know that changbin heard him.

and they never even finished their talk.

it had been a few days and changbin decides to finally make a move.

"can we go on a date?"

jisung looks at him. "really?"

"uh.. if you want…?" it was a question. changbin was already regretting it.

"yes. i would love to go on a date with you."

changbin smiles. "okay. when?"

"now sounds pretty good."

"its 10am though."

"we can figure something out."

and they did. 

they went to a late breakfast and then they sply walked. 

it seemed to be every street that they walked.

but it probably wasn't even close.

for most of it they didn't talk.

mostly, jisung pointing out things in store windows or people on the streets all while holding changbins bicep.

around 2 they approach a theater.

"do you want to see a movie?" changbin asks.

"sure." jisung smiles

changbin buys tickets to some comedy and lets jisung pick out snacks.

they sit in the back of the theater and for the first half of the movie they watch and eat their snacks.

then jisung pushes the armrest inbetween them up and shuffles closer to lean into changbin.

with a smile, changbin puts an arm around him and lets jisung settle his head on his shoulder.

neither could stop smiling.

jisung plays with changbins shirt and both of them have lost track of what's happening, changbin lost in staring at jisung and jisung lost in smiling at his own hand on changbins shirt.

when the credits roll, they're the last out, jisung completely wrapped around changbin.

"wanna get dinner?" changbin asks.

"can we get something and go home with it? i want to cuddle with you."

changbin grins. "that sounds good."

jisung giggles softly.

at home, their food turns cold as they curl up together on the couch, changbins arm around jisungs waist and jisung rubbing his cheek on changbins chest.

they stay there for hours and eventually jisung falls asleep.

so changbin picks him up and takes him to bed.

he had never been this happy.

★☆★

4 years. 

pure happiness.

of course they had their little fights along the way but they never lasted long.

jisungs shop had gotten really popular and he opened a second one across the city.

they moved into a house together and now, it was their four year anniversary and changbin had something planned.

he had ordered so many red and yellow roses and there's no way they will all sell before they wilt but it's worth it.

he spends all weekend (while the shop is closed) replacing all the displays and other flowers with the red and yellow ones.

all with purple ribbons. 

then he strung fairy lights across the ceiling and set up a small table in the middle where there was a posterboard displaying a picture he took of jisung every single day they were together.

the first year was on the far left, every photo overlapping where you can lift one up to see the next one, all down the row. and then the other three next to it like that.

some pictures were one dates, at work, of him sleeping, eating, cooking, cleaning. everything.

one picture from every day.

there were 1,461 red roses and 1,461 yellow roses. 

2 for every day they have been together.

then he made jisung a strawberry cheesecake with strawberries cut into hearts.

and he put on music.

all their favorite songs.

and today he was doing it.

he had a bouquet of pink roses in his hand and the ring in his other as jisung unlocks the door and steps in to start his day.

"changbin what is this-"

"jisung, happy 4 years." changbin starts. "every day i have been with you, has been happier than the last. you never fail to make me smile even on the darkest and most rainy days. and i love you. i want to spend the rest of my life with you. you and your big smile and giggly laugh. your different hair colors and bouncy moods. i want to see you grow and thrive and do what you love for the rest of my life. because if i dodnt have you, i wouldn't be alive anymore. i wouldn't be smiling. and i wouldn't be happy. without you i have no purpose. no will. no strength. you are my everything and i never want that to change. so," he kneels. "will you marry me?"

jisungs hands are over his mouth and tears slide down his cheeks.

he rushes forward and hugs changbin. "yes. yes changbin. oh my god yes."

changbin smiles, pulling him close to his chest like he would never let go.

and he didn't want to.

he didn't have to.

because jisung was always going to be his. and he was always going to be there.

and that's never going to change.

★☆★

today, changbin dies.

at 86 years old, after falling ill over a year ago, he is dying.

and he is dying in his own bed with jisung right at his side and their daughter holding his hand.

she is 49 now. and she is a doctor. a surgeon actually.

they were so proud.

her husband was in the kitchen with their grandson. and changbins life was ending.

but it was ending on a good note.

he was happy.

jisung brushes his hair out of his eyes and smiles at him. "feeling okay?"

"as good as ill ever be," changbin offers a smile.

the next few hours rush by, and when changbin finally takes his last breath, he is looking at jisung and smiling.

the last thing he hears is, "good night changbin,"

and then its grey again.

"hello again,"

the voice was warm.

and then changbin was 22 again.

and jisung was standing in front of him, 21 years old and glowing.

"are you taking my soul now?"

"yes, i think youre ready."

"i am."

"are you still angry i let you live all those years ago?"

"no, i thank you for that. i would have been miserable."

his soul holder smiles. "are you ready?"

"yes."

and then he's in a void and all he can see is jisung.

there's a white burst of light from his chest and then a ball of white floating into jisungs chest.

and changbin smiles.

because he is happy to go.

★☆★

when you are born, your soulmate is given to you. you don't know who it is until you die. that's when you see them.

for many people, its their spouse. 

for some, a lover they had years ago. 

and for very little, its nothing.

your soulmate holds your soul in the other realm and they decide when it is safe for you to die.

a lot of people who attempt suicide and survive, its because their soul holder decides its not safe for them to go yet.

and sometimes, you can negotiate your soul holder. whether you want to love longer, or die now, sometimes they can bend fate for you.

it all depends on who your soul holder is and how they are in life.

jisung meets his soul holder 7 months after changbin dies.

and its changbin.

and changbin shows him all of the memories that brought him where he is.

and jisung goes willingly.

and he meets changbin on the other side, both of them young and happy. 

both of them, eternally in love.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! please leave comments or come check out me and my aus on twitter! @hanseobinss


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